


Memories

by bakers_impala221



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Compliant Castiel/Dean Winchester, Confession, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Death, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, Implied Cas, Implied Destiel - Freeform, Love, M/M, Mourning, Platonic Love, Romance, Romantic love, Shipper Sam, castiel - Freeform, hurting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 11:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16196942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakers_impala221/pseuds/bakers_impala221
Summary: Sam and Dean share funny stories about Cas, when Dean confesses something he should have said a long time ago





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a headcanon by @Jen|35. More in end notes  
> Enjoy

 Wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, he laughed again, remembering the look on his friend’s face as he’d told the brothers he’d play the bad cop, the startled subject sitting behind him, and the awkward silence hanging between them, and with startling suddenness, Dean didn’t know if he was laughing or crying.

 He could feel his brother shift beside him, could barely make out the figure of his body in his peripheral vision, his tears evaporating from his left hand, the other still clutching the near-empty beer bottle tightly, the cold bite still stinging his fingers sharply in retaliation.

 He leaned back a fraction against Baby, his eyes shining unknowingly in the orange light of the sunset, watching the trees unseeingly, stretched out before them, their shadowy outlines dark against the warmth of the sunset. If he’d been thinking about it, he might have appreciated its beauty, if even only internally, but in that moment something infinitely more important and beautiful occupied his mind, and nothing -no person or natural beauty or disaster- could have done anything to change it.

 Dean could feel Sam tense up beside him, apparently noticing his silence and awaiting whatever it was that came next.

 Dean sucked in a breath silently, building up the courage to speak the words caught in his throat. His mind unhelpfully supplied the memories, as if its purpose was to make this endlessly more painful for itself, and he found himself physically resisting the urge to shut his eyes against the sunset and succumb to the agony of remembering. Then he let out the breath he’d been unconsciously holding, as if releasing the tension and bracing himself for the impact, and the gravelly voice choked out in his mind. _You’re my family. I love you._ And he almost sobbed out loud; almost gave into the pain.

 Instead, another huff of breath escaped him, the beginning traces of dragon’s breath appeared in front of his face, disappearing almost as quickly as its emergence and leaving behind the unmasked face of a shell-shocked warrior reliving his last battle.

 He sighed again, eyes blurring out the landscape with carelessness and tears, and he leaned back further, abandoned beer bottle in his hand and his heart racing far too quickly in his chest as he barely managed to choke it out.

 ‘I love him, Sam.’

 Then Sam shifted slightly beside him, turning to glance at him before looking respectfully away, words on the tip of his tongue -useless words, considering which to use before settling on nothing, the aborted sympathies hanging between them heavily: _I know; I’m sorry; it’ll be okay._ All of it useless.

 So instead, he opened his mouth and said, ‘he’ll always be family.’ And finally, Dean looked back up at him, and the intensity of pain and understanding in his brother’s eyes was too much, and he found himself reaching forward, engulfing the giant within the clutches of a desperate hug, and Sam moved forward to receive it, comforting his brother the only way he could.

 After a few minutes, Dean pulled away, sniffing uncomfortably and shuffling to his former position, leaning back against the Impala and kicking the empty beer bottles at his feet.

 Taking his leave, Sam walked around the car to the driver’s seat, pulling open the door and taking the wheel, patiently waiting for his brother to take the time to gather himself.

 After some immeasurable amount of time, when the world had gone dark and the forest quiet, he chugged down the remaining beer hastily before leaning down to grab up the empty bottles at his feet and chucking them in the back.

 Then he took his seat, riding shotgun, nudging his brother awake with his elbow and throwing him the key, which was caught with an impressively effective reflex. He almost smiled at the thought, but stopped himself midway, thinking that maybe tonight could just be the night he let himself feel this pain. And as the Impala pulled out and onto the road, and the trees began blurring together through the window beside him, Dean thought of Frank, and what he’d once told him.

 But that would start tomorrow. He’d get through every day; he’d smile to the end of the week, ignore the pain, and then when that week was over, he’d start again.

 But not for tonight, he thought. Just tonight, he could let himself hurt.

 And so if Sam noticed the tears rolling down his brother’s cheeks, he didn’t mention it, and Dean was grateful for that.

 Suddenly also grateful for his brother’s decision to take the wheel, he closed his eyes against the darkness and let his heart break slowly. And then tomorrow? Well, tomorrow he’d glue it back together. And hell, if that killed him, at least it would all be over.

 And with that thought, he fell into a dreamless sleep, allowing his brother to drive him back to safety.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how to leave links, so this was the headcanon:  
> 'If Cas ever dies, I want Sam & Dean to remember funny stories together & then Dean leaning back, tears in his eyes, saying "I love him, Sam"'.  
> \--  
> I've marked this story as complete, but I don't know whether I'll continue or not. If you've got suggestions, happy or sad, let me know in the comments.  
> Thanks for reading


End file.
